@SteveSuckington: Sex with me is like bowling. Lots of drinking and cursing. Sticking your fingers in weird holes. You have to rent shoes.
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@ANNIEwayyyy: Every since my Grandma discovered Netflix she’s been calling me w/ suggestions like “ok write this down, it’s called Friends, F-R-I-E-.....”
@KeetPotato: gang leader: "this isnt what i meant when i said go rob the store" me: [putting 19 cartons of milk in fridge] "you should be more specific"
@PaperWash: lucifer: let's give them free will and see how they choose God: nice lol I'm gunna steal your idea and send you to hell lucifer: what?
@Thedudish: Is it true animals can sense danger? The cat's been wearing a helmet all week, and it makes me nervous.