@SteveSuckington: Sex with me is like bowling. Lots of drinking and cursing. Sticking your fingers in weird holes. You have to rent shoes.
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@garrettbarry70: My wife complains that my socks are too big for her but she doesn't care that her bra pinches my back.
@SirEviscerate: HER: (touching my chest) What a fascinating tattoo... ME: Thanks. I was carrying a squid and a porcupine, and I tripped.
@GrantTanaka: Hi 911, I’d like to report a drunk naked guy blasting off truck nuts w/ a shotgun. Time of incident? [takes drink] In about 20 minutes lol
@OfficeofSteve: They'll continuously make Fast & Furious movies until it's a bunch of old men trying to get out of a grocery store parking lot