@MoneypennyNaked: Sex with me is like going to the movies. It's dark & very loud. Bring candy. You can never predict the ending. Some people leave early.
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@Jenny4ashley: Boss: Are you high? Me: If I was high could I do this? *teleports two inches to the right*
@samalmightysam: Women can detect even the smallest of lies, but on TV they tell them they can lose 20 pounds in 5 days and they believe it all.
@tat2dsoccermom: My boyfriend said he wanted me to be more affectionate, so now I have TWO boyfriends.
@Playing_Dad: [At job interview] Interviewer: So tell me why you want this job. Me: I have no money and I prefer when I have money.