@MoneypennyNaked: Sex with me is like going to the movies. It's dark & very loud. Bring candy. You can never predict the ending. Some people leave early.
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@OwensDamien: In an attempt to build some exercise into my daily routine, I’ve put the biscuits on a higher shelf. Boy, I’m gonna be sore tomorrow.
@shariv67: Boy, your name must be Adobe cuz when you call me up for a date, I say "Ask me again later."
@Shut_up_Marissa: CW: How was your weekend? *finds nearest object* "Hello?" CW: Are you talking to a stapler? "I'm sorry, I have to take this."
@AnkCoupleTO: Picking a Xmas gift for your wife is hard, so I've decided to deplete our bank account, fake my own death & move to Thailand She'll love it