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@pradacid: “shake what ya momma gave ya!”
*starts shaking low self-esteem*
@Spaziotwat: Man: Who are you?
God: Your god.
Man: What's your name?
God: I can't tell you.
Man: No way!
@thetits: [just meeting a new group of people]
My brain: say something cool and different
Me: HOW YA'LL GOT??
@thenatewolf: Avocados are like women: soft inside, dinosaur skin outside, big cricket ball in the middle, all the good ones are taken...
@NippleHips: Jokes on them. I took 10.
@_thatigirl: Rude lady to me, "Well I'm sorry but you don't LOOK sick to me." Me, "Looks can be deceiving. For example, you don't look stupid."