@Bagyants: Shake what yo mama gave you! Oh she just handed you a child. Don't shake that
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@Ygrene: [after getting beat up] Girlfriend: I thought you were a kickboxer Me: that guy was not a box
@AmishPornStar1: I long for the days when waking up with a "stiff one" wasn't referring to my lower back.
@kyry5: [1st date] *hiding that I'm actually a Zamboni* Date: Now that we've broken the ice- Me: *nervously sweats while rolling across the floor*
@jjhartinger: War & Peace wasn't written to be downloaded on your iPad, Carol. Tolstoy wrote it for you to carry around and impress people with.