@JasonLastname: *shakes the ATM like it's a vending machine*
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@MartaEffing: Someone just used the phrase, 'that's a big load', on this conference call, and suddenly I'm paying attention.
@joejwest: ME: Eat your lemon PIRATE: No ME: It stops scurvy PIRATE: [folds arms, shuts eye] ME: [carves tiny skull on lemon] PIRATE: [opens eye a bit]
@WilliamRodgers: Me: Happy Easter! Taylor Swift: I hate Easter! It's all a lie! Me: The Jesus thing? Taylor Swift: Ya... Men don't come back after 3 Days!
@maymay72x: Smoke a joint before hitting a buffet to really get your money's worth... Just saying.