@JasonLastname: *shakes the ATM like it's a vending machine*
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@fridaycandy: I tell people that the secret ingredient in my cookies is "love" but it's actually "floor" .
@WhaJoTalkinBout: [text] Neighbor: do you smell something outside? Me: it's the horses. Neighbor: it smells like marijuana. Me: they're high. high horses.
@SondraDeeMe: I've always had a soft spot in my heart for female T-Rex because the tampon insertion must've been really difficult.