@Iwriteforcats: Shamrocks are the most dishonest of all the rocks.
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@murrman5: wife: its ruining date night me: its ruining date night because you're letting it ruin date night hitchhiker: just drop me off on the corner
@1Bad_Scientist: Neighbor: Help I have a plumbing emergency! Me: *grabs tools* Neighbor is naked and wet Me: um what kind of plumbing are we talking about?
@michaelianblack: Fun fact: The hip word "chillax" is a combination of the slang term "chill" and the more traditional word "laxative."