@ElizaBayne: Shark Week is just another made up holiday to sell more sharks
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@introvertedwife: I'm for traditional marriage, mostly because I want to know how many goats I'm worth.
@tastefactory: There's a spider that's been in the same place on my living room wall for an hour so he's essentially also watching Shrek.
@UncleDuke1969: I'm white, but... Nope. Can't do one of those today. Look, I'm at a B&B on Cape Cod right now. I'm a fanny pack away from translucent.
@chairmanMAO_92: This hot girl asked me to recommend some music so i said Pink Floyd, she said "I didn't know Pink used her last name as well" Now she's dead