@ElizaBayne: Shark Week is just another made up holiday to sell more sharks
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@WilliamAder: Pretty sure the guy who named them "walkie talkies" got fired before he could name other military equipment.
@ch000ch: *puts crime-scene photos in a rocket* Ok stand back "Detective, what are u doing?" What does it look like, I'm launching this investigation
@LHGarrett: PHIL COLLINS: Here tonight is the man who inspired my next song, "Fat Shithead Clogged My Toilet." [spotlight tracks me as I head for Exit]