@KKAlThani: Sharks are just dolphins who went to the military.
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@HMittelmark: If somebody at a party tells you they're a writer, get excited, hold up the nearest book, and ask, wide-eyed, "DID YOU WRITE THIS?"
@stevevsninjas: Named my band Scheduled for Demolition so whenever it appears on a marquee, confused people write angry letters to the city council.
@ChaseMit: America's national mascot should just be a drunk white girl typing on a shattered iPhone.