@KKAlThani: Sharks are just dolphins who went to the military.
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@dafloydsta: *tear runs down cheek "Why are all these people dead on the inside?" "Sir, this is a morgue."
@jwoodham: But, soft! What light through yonder window breaks? / Are you still on your iPhone even though you said you were going to sleep?
@KarateDonuts: McDonald's is now selling the Big MacGyver. Just a slab of meat a paper clip and some foil with a note that says "You figure it out."
@Real_Dick_Head: When you wave your hand under automatic soap dispenser for 45 seconds and nothing, then it dispenses the minute you switch to the next one.