@ComedySpeech: Sharks aren't the bad guys. If some stranger entered my house in just a Speedo, I would probably attack him too.
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@JohnHilsen: Of course climate change is man-made. It's all been meticulously orchestrated by the Titanic survivors, seeking revenge on that iceberg.
@YourTumblrFeed: *job interview* so tell me a fun fact about yourself Guy: well when I was 5 I fell into the Cincinnati Zoo gorilla exh- get the hell out
@tastefactory: Mr. Webb, what is the greatest threat to national security? "The dinosaurs in Jurassic World, they always seem to get out"