@Dawn_M_: Sharks don't like the taste of human flesh, which must mean they are drama queens who only eat people for attention.
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@ItsAndyRyan: PIG: "I'm paranoid everyone's trying to turn me into bacon" PSYCHIATRIST: "I'll cure you" PIG: "Oh God, not you too"
@smithsara79: Me: Hey Mom! My mom: Oh haha I get that all the time Me: Wha- Definitely my mom: *walking away from me* Just one of those faces, I guess!
@007Pepe_Rex: When you're in the voting booth this fall, remember that Abe Lincoln didn't slay all those vampires so that Trump could become President.
@ehdannyboy: "I'm leaving you" "why?" "Your jokes are old and tiresome" "but, I can updog" "What's updog?" "NOTHIN, WHAT'S UP WI-" *slams door*