@Dawn_M_: Sharks don't like the taste of human flesh, which must mean they are drama queens who only eat people for attention.
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@BangMyBongo: Mary on Facebook says this generation is way to reliant on technology... She then sent me 7 Candy Crush invites
@mommy_cusses: Instructor: Welcome to our Summer with Kids Preparedness class. Our first lesson is how to apply sunscreen. Everyone grab an angry raccoon.
@the_couch_guy: People of Twitter: If you worry that you aren't creative enough, buy a gym membership and see how many excuses you find not to use it.