@Doyle_McLain: BREAKING NEWS ON FACEBOOK! Pam wants everyone to know what a great husband Don has been these last 8 years & for making her so very happy!

@Elifcello: Dear prisoners: How about liquid soap? You're welcome.

@AimeeHelene1: Hi, I'm a fruit fly that could live here undetected, but, no, I'm gonna fly in this lady's face til she makes it her mission to destroy me.

@Darlainky: I was out of tanning oil once, so I used PAM® Cooking Spray. The tan didn't stick.

@MyPolishFace: Me: guess what I shaved! Him: your armpits? Me: no Him: your mustache? Me: no Him: your nec- Me: I don't wanna play this game anymore