@Bunnydurden: Sharks would be a lot less scary if they had ears.
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@Book_Krazy: TEACHER: Its report card day Timmy TIMMY: I'm scared to look. TEACHER: Don't worry. It's all B's lol *opens it & gets engulfed by bees*
@ShesARealGenius: On your first day in prison, make sure you go up to the warden and compliment the décor.
@pan_opt_icon: Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: To propagate authoritarianism and generate revenue for the state? Cop: Besides that.
@Reverend_Scott: Quotes to calm an angry woman: 1. Stress makes you fat. 2. My ex never acted like that. 3. I love you, even if you're just like your mom.