@leechee420: Shaved my legs for the 1st time in forever today. It was like taking a bulldozer to the rainforest. Birds flying out, villagers scattering.
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@ZachWeiner: "How do you speak with an American accent?" "Well, imagine vowels killed your parents, and you're out for revenge."
@AGreaterMonster: If cupcakes could talk, boy, there sure would be a lot of screaming in my house.
@jayonguitar: If your girlfriend offers to make you breakfast at 2 AM. She's probably not your girlfriend and your just drunk at Denny's again.
@caliluvgirl77: Therapist: we need to work on YOU taking responsibility for YOUR actions Me: *pulls a flask out* WHO PUT THIS IN MY PURSE?