@leechee420: Shaved my legs for the 1st time in forever today. It was like taking a bulldozer to the rainforest. Birds flying out, villagers scattering.
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@SteveKoehler22: My Grandma's church was odd in that they worshipped paintings. Very weird. Every week they would stand up and sing "How Great Thou Art"
@CindyMeakin: What did the boy with no hands get for christmas? Gloves! Just kidding, I don't know what he got. He hasn't opened it yet.
@noog: If your kid's shitty kindergarten drawing is hanging on your fridge, you are an enabler of mediocrity.
@BlindVigil: Q: "How long were you at your last job?" A: "Seven-and-a-half inches... same as now"