@ibid78: *shaves 'I ❤ Dogs' into my chest hair for the Westminster Dog Show but just as I take my shirt off a car full of cats rolls up*
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@DaddyJew: Plumber: why are there nachos in your shower drain? Me: why wouldn't there be nachos in my shower drain?
@emireecraire: Public transportation not only helps the environment, it also makes you hate the human race
@jonnysun: [whole foods] WHITE GIRL: excus me do u hav pumpkin EMPLOYEE: (hands her a pumpkin) here WHITE GIRL: no no no. PUMPKIN. its a type of spice
@TPAIN: Yo. Real shit. Just bcause you went and got your logo printed on some t-shirts, that does NOT mean you have a clothing company. U got shirts