@ibid78: *shaves 'I ❤ Dogs' into my chest hair for the Westminster Dog Show but just as I take my shirt off a car full of cats rolls up*
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@rotten_mama: Parenting 101 8: I'm worried dolphins will be become endangered. Me: Every time you don't clean your room a dolphin dies.
@geowizzacist: *finds a sock behind the washing machine* *plays loud dramatic romantic music as I reunite two socks*