@ibid78: *shaves 'I ❤ Dogs' into my chest hair for the Westminster Dog Show but just as I take my shirt off a car full of cats rolls up*
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@sixthformpoet: I can never tell if a mother duck is being dutifully followed by her ducklings or chased by a gang of young duck criminals.
@ksej: "Having sex for money is bad because it is counterfeiting feelings" wow dude, I have bad news about every other customer service job ever
@iwearaonesie: mom: Why are your eyes red? Are you high!? [flashback to me cry-singing Taylor Swift's "Love Story" in the car on the way over] me: Yes