@pizzajaynow: She asked me to buy Tampons so I bought Kotex, because that one time I wanted ice cream and she bought frozen yogurt.
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@pixelatedboat: For you sir I would recommend one of our deluxe funeral plans where I won't dig you up and slap you around when I'm feeling mad at skeletons
@NotARatsAss: Tried to make a video seductively licking the frosting from an Oreo, but got excited and ate the whole thing. Twenty times.
@noog: Science: I rely on observable data and logic. Religion: I prefer scripture and faith. Astrology: I like turtles.
@CaniacMONK: My superpower is getting behind the person who is obviously refinancing their mortgage at the ATM.