@TommyKarate: She called and said she didn't have anywhere else to go, so I agreed with her.
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@leechee420: How do I tell a guy that I'm only interested in him because I'd like to take selfies with his puppy?
@DamonHunzeker: "A Bunch of Stuff I Remembered and Then Compiled into a Narratively Cohesive Yet Inconsistently Compelling Tome: A Memoir"
@julie2288: Toddlers are the only life form that can exist entirely on their own snot, one goldfish cracker, and half a chicken nugget a day.