@TheLastPeg: She- get lost
Me- *jumps in her wardrobe*
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@man_spach: "I'm sorry I could never do that for you," said the cat sulking away after catching me on the internet looking at pics of cats in space.
@Book_Krazy: [interview] HIM: What are your strengths? ME: Well, I can see dead people. HIM: Wow, interesting. Any hobbies? ME: Grave digging
@existentialpink: yesterday my mom stopped to help a stranded motorist who couldn’t get his car to accelerate, and kindly informed him that he needed to stop trying to rev the engine, as it was flooding his fuel line with gas. he told her didn’t need a lady’s opinion. anyway his car caught fire
@novicefather: My wife is addicted to goji berries but I wish she was addicted to something cheaper like cocaine.