@omgthatspunny: She got fired from the hot dog stand for putting her hair in a bun.
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@ClichedOut: *getting murdered* Me: *pointing to murderer's t-shirt* Ha ha, you went to a Justin Bieber concert
@WineMummy: The scene from The Exorcist where she's tied to the bed cursing like a sailor, but it's me when getting a Brazilian.
@KalvinMacleod: Wife: Are you even listening to me? Me: Of course W: Oh yeah, what did I say? M: [smoke bomb] W: I can still see you M: [Another smoke bomb]
@One_FineMess: If two people love each other nothing is impossible... Except deciding where to eat.