@omgthatspunny: She got fired from the hot dog stand for putting her hair in a bun.
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@noog: *flips over table* *table flips back up* Table: You got a problem? Me: DO YOU? Table: ... Me: HUH? Table: ... Me: I SAID DO WE HA- Table: No
@Classy_Cassy89: My closet should be on Hoarders. Fell in looking for second shoe. 45 minutes later I had to cut my left arm off with a plastic hanger.
@PissAndry: These boots were made for walking, and that's just what they'll do. One of these day--oh goddamn it. Did you glue these to the floor, Carl?!
@TheMichaelRock: I am aware that smoking will kill me, please explain to me again how you'll live forever