@2tickytacky: She had soft, black hair, and big, brown eyes. We went for a walk. I told her I loved her. Now she's gone. She took off after a squirrel.
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@Pundamentalism: My girlfriend was devastated to find out that my mates call me ‘The Love Machine’ because I’m terrible at tennis.
@juliussharpe: If you just got invited to do something on New Year's Eve, it means someone else cancelled.
@jwoodham: Forrest Gump ran for 3 years, 2 months, and 14 days, which is approximately 3 years, 2 months, and 14 days longer than I've ever run.
@DanielRCarrillo: Rejected names for lumberjacks: -Woodroberts -Treedaves -Logjeffs -Forestbills -Timberjims