@2tickytacky: She had soft, black hair, and big, brown eyes. We went for a walk. I told her I loved her. Now she's gone. She took off after a squirrel.
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@tourettzgoth: Keep an identical glass of vodka next to the glass of water on your bedside table for a refreshing morning game of Russian Roulette
@LindaInDisguise: The worst walk of shame is the one back onto the crowded elevator after getting out on the wrong floor.
@BackrowSeats: The toughest part of a job interview is finding the exact right moment to go in for the kiss.