@WilliamAder: Every time someone with a clown avi follows me I add another night light.

@EndhooS: "But I can't conquer China, it's way too big..." Now Genghis, what do I always say? *Sighs* "I'm Genghis Khan, not Genghis Khan't"

@Kerfuckus: Dog: Uh oh. Gonna puke. Cat: OK, what you wanna do is, keep walking. Puke every ten feet or so. Make sure you get under the bed.

@GrantTanaka: Wife: It's like every man on earth has to share one brain Me: [can't think of a good comeback because it's not my turn to use the brain]

@iwearaonesie: wife: You're going to work like that? me: Yeah, it's casual day [20 minutes later] me *calls wife* Can you bring me some pants?