@causticbob: My wife sent me an image of herself which really enticed me into coming home from work early. It was a picture of her at the airport.

@Jesssicle: Eating a cucumber would be the 2nd worst way to discover that you are allergic to cucumbers.

@shkeeber: I'm sorry I burned down your house, but the Mythbusters told me not to try it at home and you should really lock your doors when you go out.

@d_duhwit: Wife*comes home*: What's that noise? Me: U said to give Tim an anvil Wife: ADVIL! He should be in bed Me: but..he's almost finished my sword

@Phook75: "You'll be visited by 3 ghosts." "Will they show me the true spirit of Christmas?" "No, they'll try to eat you." Pac-Man Christmas Carol