@AndyAsAdjective: She looks at me with those come hither eyes & I'm over here frantically flipping thru a dictionary trying to figure out what "hither" means.
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@BlindChow: *man choking* Is there a doc in the house? *Dr Pepper rises* *searches man's pockets* Hey ur no doctor! *moustache falls off* *it's Mr Pibb*
@michaelianblack: "God" not mentioned in Democratic platform means they don't worship God. "Money" mentioned eleven times in Republican platform.
@amydillon: My kid just locked me out of the house in 95 degree weather, but sure, "it goes by so fast."
@TheBoydP: "I'm too important too attend the training on the new system. When I need to get in it you can walk me through it each time" ~Management