@AndyAsAdjective: She looks at me with those come hither eyes & I'm over here frantically flipping thru a dictionary trying to figure out what "hither" means.
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@RandiLawson: We've replaced the names of the foreign countries & leaders in Trump's speech with the names of IKEA® furniture. Let's see if he notices
@Fred_Delicious: the first rule of OCD club is that there must be a second rule so we have an even number of rules
@fro_vo: [gettysburg] Abraham Lincoln: four score and seven years ago- Me: wtf does that mean Abraham Lincoln: 87 Me: say 87 then
@SCbchbum: If you want to know how many hours your mom was in labor with you, tell her you won't be able to come over & visit.