@Nrvous1: When people say "May I ask who's calling?" I like to say "Sure, go ahead."

@ohmygrapeness: Moaning "Oh God" on a Sunday morning is the closest I'll get to church

@fro_vo: Dr: well i have good news and bad news Me: give me the bad news Dr: you have cancer Me: what's the good news Dr: i don't

@ArfMeasures: ME: I'll put a sexy movie on DATE: Good idea *presses play* D: Shrek? M: omg embarrassing D: Haha M: [fumbling with DVD] Meant to be Shrek 2

@CornOnTheGoblin: (Flintstones theme song) ninjas turtle ninjas they're a teenage mutant family with their master splinter they're about to save new york city