@Parentpains: "She must be shy" is probably what I say to myself the most when a woman abruptly moves across the country after talking to me.
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@BuckyIsotope: I'll always remember what my dad told me right before he died: "of course you're supposed to use that much lighter fluid idiot."
@Snarfernini: 911: What's your emergency? Me: He text me first. Just to say hi. What do I do?! 911: Be cool Me: I sent him a list of baby names instead
@_CremDelaEm: He called me passive aggressive. I just smiled and left. Cut his brake lines on the way out for good measure, though.
@BlackCatBettie: If you have a horse and you didn't name it Edgar Allan Pony, we can't be friends.