@Parentpains: "She must be shy" is probably what I say to myself the most when a woman abruptly moves across the country after talking to me.
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@rachelle_mandik: most vending-machine shaking incidents are elaborate coverups by people who don't want to be seen hugging the machine and saying i love you
@HatfieldAnne: *person walks past me minding his business and not bothering me in any way* “What's this idiot doing?”
@SortaBad: *loses faith in humanity* "this is the type of problem that can only be solved by 13 photos of unlikely animal friendships"