@Manda_like_wine: She often thinks about what life may have been outside the asylum, had the cashier refrained from putting her change on top of the receipt.
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@SatansTongue: Tv: The abominable snowman is very dangerous "Obamanible snowman...?" *obama walks in* Everything okay joe? *nervously* "Uh yeah just fine"
@JohnDuffy21: Relationships are a lot like algebra.. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
@genepompa: Can't believe my dog just ran into Petco and left me in the car with the windows rolled up
@sammyrhodes: Shaving your beard is a great way to remember what you looked like when you were 5.