@faizziy: She once called me bae so I had to baeurry her in my backyard..
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@thedailymarker: Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus. Gays are definitely from Saturn. You know the only planet chic enough to accessorize with a belt.
@nice_mustard: dear teenage me, it's the future. no flying cars but you will write jokes on a telephone. no don't kill yourself it's actually pretty fun
@internetluke: [two female cops come to arrest me but I am hiding in the men's bathroom] Haha "What do we do?"