@jake_lach: She said I'm 'barely tolerable,' which means there's still a chance
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@ImHopel3ss: Somewhere, someplace, there's a hole in the world & inside it there's a bunch of gremlins hoarding the 50,000 lighters I can't find.
@funnybeachgirl: Just saw a Fiat & a Mini Cooper get into a head on collision. It was horrible... there was glitter everywhere.
@AbbyHasIssues: *Showing me a picture of your baby* Me: Is that a dog toy in the background? What kind of dog do you have? What's your dog's name?