@jake_lach: She said she hates my analogies and wishes I would communicate like a normal person, but that's like telling a samurai not to use his sword
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@CelebrityChez: How long are you supposed to wait before you unpause the tv after your wife tells you she wants a divorce?
@EricaTheThor: Apparently a new study shows that unattractive men make better mates. Nice try, ugly scientists.
@cynicanoldicus: On the off chance I'm captured by cannibals, I've got a 'Best if eaten by 1975' tattoo on my neck.