@earfdae: She said she wanted to bump uglies. So, naturally, I got all showered & freshened up and then I rammed my Ford Pinto into her Honda Element.
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@tigersgoroooar: if you're in a sports bar but don't understand sports just keep repeating the phrase "damn they gotta get him the ball." everyone will agree
@kwirkyKerri: "I really regret not taking up bow hunting" I think as my neighbor fires up his chainsaw at first light.
@johngaysee: My dog and I have two things in common: We like burying our bones in other peoples backyards and fleas :-(
@TheTweetOfGod: "Al-Qaeda: 'ISIS Goes Too Far'." Ah the Middle East, where al-Qaeda is the voice of moderation.