@TheAlexP: She said "you look like trouble"...so I nudged her down the stairs, because I don't like people falling short of their expectations.
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@Marcmywords2: Hey Dad, your neighbor called, they wanna know if you could turn down your TV, they've already heard this episode of Law & Order.
@PinkCamoTO: Interviewer: So why did you leave your last job? Me: Someone found out my birthday and decorated my cubicle with balloons.
@Interdome: "Well, very clearly cats were sacred to them." - Archeologist who discovers the Internet
@Just_Lee_: If Bruce Willis does any more Die Hard movies it will just be 90 minutes of him sitting in a rocking chair waiting to die from the flu.