@TheRolo: She says she only drinks wine to collect corks for her Pinterest project, which is pretty cool cause it looks like she's building a castle.
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@lwhit_the_boss: My signature move at parties is flirting with a cute guy for half an hour before realizing he's actually a bag of Cheetos
@sixfootcandy: Boss: Can you redact the total before sending the statement? Me: Sure. Right after I look up the word redact.
@JoParkerBear: Texting while driving is incredibly stupid and dangerous. You're practically begging for typos.
@withanewname: Me: *hyperventilating* 911? BEES! ... EVERYWHERE! ... SEND...HELP! "Sir we don't ..." Me: OMG! DON'T YOU HAVE A SWAT TEAM FOR THIS?