@TheRolo: She says she only drinks wine to collect corks for her Pinterest project, which is pretty cool cause it looks like she's building a castle.
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@TrainedHedonist: Sometimes I feel driving over Beliebers, but then I'm like, "what is wrong with me??" because I just got my car washed.
@just1fool: My daughter asked me if it was illegal to be blind which tells me I didn't explain "legally blind" very well.
@ericsshadow: [first date] I'm really nervous about this. It's been a long time since I've [holds fork up and squints] used silverware.
@CornOnTheGoblin: scientist: he's going to be identical to you in every way me: every way? [my clone trips stepping out of the machine] holy shit