@youcancallmesim: "She sends things to strangers on the internet and no one even cares but she keeps doing it" - my dad, explaining me on twitter to my aunt.
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@SortaBad: Just finished my book about how to get laid at bars. It's called The Girl With the Lower-Back Tattoo.
@StymieBrewer: "It's a bird! It's a plane!" - my 3 year old niece, excited as hell over some basic shit.
@DirtMcTurd: "We have a new product, it washes hair but it needs a name" Shamcrap?! "Awful" Shampoop?! "Get out!" Shampoo? "Genius!"