@youcancallmesim: "She sends things to strangers on the internet and no one even cares but she keeps doing it" - my dad, explaining me on twitter to my aunt.
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@josswhedon: Wait, women get the WHOLE DAY? Is that in every country? It's night where I am is it over can it be about me again
@AristotlesNZ: 9yo: *struggling for 10 mins trying to start peeling a banana* How do you get into these!? Yo, evolution: You missed one..
@Tierno158: When I refer to kids as "Snot-dripping, germ-spreading spawns of Satan" I hope you realize I'm not referring specifically to YOUR children.
@RayfromCincy: Justin Bieber, Katy Perry and Adam Levine walk into a bar.. ..and it burns to the ground and it's finally safe to turn the radio back on.