@dreadnaught69: She thinks I drink all day when she's at work. I don't... I stop just before she gets home
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@onion_an: [on date pretending not to be a dung beetle] Date: What's your favourite meal? Me: Poop Date: What? Me: SOUP, I like eating soup
@jonnysun: LAWYER: [whispers] i did the murder [loudly] read that back? STENOGRAPHER: "I Did The Murder." JUDGE: omg the stenographer just confessed
@davidkenny100: Pal: on your date, don't let her think you get jealous on date Date: the steak please Me: So you know, I'm cool with you talking to that guy
@EJGomez: teacher: "there are no stupid questions" me: "ya ok but why isnt the plural of moose, meese"