@dreadnaught69: She thinks I drink all day when she's at work. I don't... I stop just before she gets home
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@murrman5: *A group of cannibals eating a pie* This is amazing, what did you do different? "Well, I used fresh Barry's"
@SatansTongue: (Selling my soul) Just sign here and here "I should have a lawyer read this" *a million lawyers crawl through hell* We have plenty of those
@TimmyPumpkin: *licks stamp* hmmm tastes weird *mails letter* hmmm mailbox had wings *drives home on flying monkey* hmmm that wasn't a stamp
@dshack8: Anytime I'm watching something on tv my wife starts talking to me as if her words are going to expire if she doesn't use them.