@dreadnaught69: She thinks I drink all day when she's at work. I don't... I stop just before she gets home
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@CheryeDavis: If you insist on changing someone, do it without their knowledge....Like by poisoning their food.
@Dawn_M_: He said I reminded him of the girl from The Ring. We laughed and laughed, and then I put an axe in his back and ate his soul.
@eedrk: Girl: Some1 in my house can't call 911 they'll hear me pls help. Me (after waiting 20 minutes to text back so I don't seem desperate): hey
@david8hughes: [interrogation] "Where were u on the night of the 3rd?" Stabbing a homeless man. "Louder for the tape?" Wrapping a boneless ham. As a gift.