@Junk_Boat: She told me she "literally died laughing," and that's when I realized she had to be a zombie and shot her in the face.
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@fluffysuse: If it's your imperfections that make you beautiful, I'm pretty sure I should be a supermodel.
@badteacher4u: I tried playing hide-n-seek with my friends newborn and now I'm not allowed back inside that hospital :(
@Phoebetate: Shout out to my body for reminding me that, while I'm too old to have the tiny waist of a 15yo, I'm not too old for a pimple on the forehead
@ItsAndyRyan: "The N stands for number – so no need to say 'PIN number'. "Terribly sorry, I'll start again: 'You're dead if you don't give me your PIN'.