@ajlobster: She truly is the world's greatest athlete
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@TheFunnyWorId: Why is peter pan always flying? He neverlands. I like this joke because it never grows old.
@BBQJones28: When someone favorites instead of retweeting me I comfort myself by thinking "they're just keeping me to themselves"
@krishna_van: "Look on the bright side - at least there's more for us to drink with him gone" is, apparently, not something one should say at a wake.