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@ajlobster: She truly is the world's greatest athlete
@TheTweetOfGod: Your body is a temple. Congrats on the expanding congregation!
@TheTalkingPipe: I didn't know how to put this gently so I drew you a picture. That's you. Now, see the guy choking you? That's me.
@allisulli: Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over?
Me: Don't get me started
@Sarcasticsapien: Most Trump supporters favorite Disney character is the hunter who shot Bambi's mom and we all know it.
@LouisNel: My neighbors listen to great music... whether they like it or not.