@ajlobster: She truly is the world's greatest athlete
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@SteelCityDawn: A butterfly just landed on the tip of my cigarette & exploded. What in the hell do they put in butterflys?
@KyleMcDowell86: [Bowling Alley] "I'm sorry sir, but we don't have any bowling shoes left" *gestures towards a happy family of centipedes bowling*
@hurlarious: Why doesn't every mistake in real life I make have a squiggly red line underneath it?