@ajlobster: She truly is the world's greatest athlete
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@yoopnative: Just ran outside in a t shirt & panties to save a bird from my cat's mouth. My kid thinks I'm a hero. My neighbor wants to have drinks later
@lazerdoov: *bursts into starbucks* Me: DO YOU GUYS HAVE A POWER OUTLET Barista: yeah over there Me: oh thank god *plugs in a mechanical bull*
@wienerherzog: The Goonies went looking for pirate treasure and ended up finding the greatest treasure of all: pirate treasure.
@Bearslietoo: Playing hard to get works with some men but apparently cops call it "resisting arrest."