@Overdue_Bills: She was like "wrong hole", so I said "adventurous on the e-harmony profile isn't knitting quilts Velma", long story short I'm still single.
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@Vijaytiwari1611: Knock, Knock. Who's there? Opportunity. Don't be silly - opportunity doesn't knock twice!"
@jake_lach: Is that a cop behind me? No, just a car with a bike rack. Or maybe it's an undercover cop with a bike rack? -Weed
@topaz_kell: "I can hear my annoying neighbor crying to Adele's new song as she throws away her empty, clinking beer bottles." - my neighbor