@RelatableQuote: She wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts, we are both very unprepared for this cold weather
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@AristotlesNZ: Him: "What kinda chameleon do you have?" Me: Karma "Karma?" Karma "Karma.." Karma chameleon "How long you had him?" He comes & goes..
@ehchino: "What is your reason for divorce?" She pronounces 'Kansas' like the second part of 'Arkansas'
@novicefather: My toddler is learning to speak so I'm trying to teach him some phrases for social success. Things like "true dat" and "pass the gravy."
@shutupmikeginn: The pigeons behind my apartment are fighting for claim to half a rain soaked hotdog. Fighting me.