@RelatableQuote: She wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts, we are both very unprepared for this cold weather
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@4SLars: PSA: If your kid bumps into me one more time with your shopping cart I will unhinge my jaw and swallow him whole.
@AristotlesNZ: Neighbor: Yard sale huh? How much's mower? Me: $50 Him: Wait! That's the one you borrowed from me! Me: $20 Him: Its a $500 mower! Me: ..$100
@PJTLynch: I was laughing at these nerds for wearing their backpack over two shoulders instead of one, and they got so mad they jumped out of the plane
@markleggett: I tried to take a photo of a huge bug in my bathroom, but when I put a coin next to it for scale IT TOOK THE COIN AND PUT IT IN ITS WALLET.