@RelatableQuote: She wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts, we are both very unprepared for this cold weather
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@zachreinert03: My 5th grade teacher said my life would never be worth anything but my wife paid a homeless man $3 to kill me so suck it Mrs. Jacobsen
@bornmiserable: "Where do escalators come from?" "Well, when an Escalade and an alligator love each other very much..."
@YourAnMoron: Me "I love you." My 3yo "Thanks." And just like that, 4 years of High School memories came flooding back.