@RelatableQuote: She wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts, we are both very unprepared for this cold weather
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@sarahjeong: the turkey takes his mask off it's edward snowden obama groans, it's too late to unpardon him now
@ericsshadow: [at a bar] "I'm meeting my friend Dan" big Dan or Dan who's never has money? [door swings open] HEY WHO WANTS TO BUY THEIR BUDDY DAN A DRINK
@JB1971_: Before I die I want to see a dog run out of a butchers shop with a string of sausages hanging out of its mouth.