@bobvulfov: (sheepishly putting my arm around pitbull) so is there a mrs worldwide
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@ohen39: wife: I just got stung by a jellyfish. quick, pee on it me: [peeing on jellyfish] this is for stinging my wife
@InternetHippo: GEORGE WASHINGTON: We should put "We Trust In God" on our money THOMAS JEFFERSON: Great idea. Did you get that? YODA (taking notes): Yep
@upsidedowntrash: [at séance] Me: If you truly are a ghost why don't you move this object Ghost: If you truly are a human why don't you get your shit together
@JimmyTheThing: Gay or straight, No state should legally recognize a marriage if they don't serve alcohol at the wedding.