@SoulYodeler: She's a cosmetologist, bro. Astronaut stuff.
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@FredPollack: Found a bag of weed in my son's bedroom, absolutely horrified! The thing was practically all stems and seeds.
@ArielBen6: Ebola has been in the US for 1 day and people are already wearing masks. AIDS has been here for 55 years and fools still don't use a condom
@iwearaonesie: Cost of the ice cream my kid threw a tantrum in the grocery store to get: $5 The look on his face when I ate it for dinner: priceless
@david8hughes: [last supper] "Wine!" exclaims Jesus touching everyone's water glasses. "Wine, wine, wine [arrives at Judas] Mountain Dew lol."