@jake_lach: She's like a cat. I don't mean in bed, she just ignores me
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@SteveDutzy: Sometimes I find myself feeling hopeful for the future of the human race but then I remember there are grown men who like My Little Pony.
@Vodkantots: As a Jew, I refuse to enter any steam room or sauna until I've seen other people come out.
@Mr_Kapowski: Hispanic magician: "I will disappear on the count of three. Ready? Uno, dos" *poof* And just like that he vanished without a tres