@jake_lach: She's like a cat. I don't mean in bed, she just ignores me
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@curlycomedy: Lifehack: dress your young children in the colors of the food you are serving them to avoid outfit changes.
@Jandalize: I dropped my soap in the shower. On purpose. Nothing happened. You guys are full of it.
@Lisa_Laughs_: They're not all brilliant, but they're all mine. Meaning my tweets, and maybe my kids, whatever.
@actioncookbook: USERS: you're alienating the people who actually use your product TWITTER: likes are now florps USERS: what TWITTER: timeline goes sideways