@jake_lach: She's like a cat. I don't mean in bed, she just ignores me
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@jenyb4: The only way I'd want to watch a video of you pouring a bucket of ice water over your head is if you promise you drown at the end.
@HomeProbably: It's almost as if they don't know the first rule of carrying rolls of wrapping paper club is; always be prepared for a sword fight, officer.
@longwall26: It must be almost impossible for chalk-outline guys not to turn victims' hands into turkeys this time of year.