@DivorceDiva: Shhh don't talk, I'm imagining you smart.
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@noog: If someone asks for advice, just tell em to follow their heart. No idea what that shit means but at least they're not talking to you anymore
@funnyordie: Happy Columbus Day! Celebrate by going to the wrong house after work then claiming it as your own.
@iwearaonesie: wife: What can you make with rum? me: A baby wife me: I’m not allowed to say things anymore am I?