@Ideal_Victoria: Shhhhh! I can't hear about how God spoke to you! I'm busy listening to my toaster tell me about his day.
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@geowizzacist: Me: can I start calling him 3.5 yet? Wife: do you even know his name anymore? Me: yes wife of course I know his name.
@pplwtching: Sober me: It would be convenient to have a urinal in my house. Drunk me: A urinal! *pees in sink*
@daemonic3: [1st date] "My birthday is on April 20th, so 4/20. Isn't that cool? When's yours?" Oh, umm *sweating* Sextember 69th