@MindyFurano: Shit. Gotta huge job interview tomorrow and I have no clue where I put my prom dress
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@Dank_Pal: "And for our next lesson, we'll learn how to roll a blunt, or un cigarrillo marijuana" - Rosetta Stoned
@madcaplaughs30: I hope this magician is good [curtain rises to reveal a man with no goatee] get your coats, children. that man is a fraud.
@squirrel74wkgn: [at the pearly gates] I said, "send me a selfie." Then she said, "too ugly today." So I said, "never stopped you before" ...& here I am.
@BeagirlNJ: I'm "I lost my car in a parking lot" years old *clicks alarm, clicks alarm* *silence* Am I even in the right parking lot?