@robwhisman: SHIT. NO. GODDAMMIT
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@phaggots: Bae: come over Me: can we ever have normal conversations Bae: my parents aren't home Me: why can't you just ask how good my day was for once
@lilgapeach32: I could understand Eve's choice to doom all of humanity if she'd been offered nachos. But an apple? My ovaries are not amused.
@DesecratedJewel: Co-worker: How are you today? Me: *starts writing death threats on the wall in period blood.*