@glenc217: Shockingly, the gyroscope is NOT a device used to locate Greek restaurants.
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@dougbies: My phone died, so I was forced to "print" a physical copy of my boarding pass, just like The Wright Brothers used to in the olden days
@OfficialMizGin: There’s nothing more disappointing for a woman than finding out a bearded guy in a flannel shirt is a hipster and not a lumberjack.
@Sal0630: Girlfriend: Did you fix the dishwasher? Me: Yup *girlfriend opens dishwasher revealing a monkey covered in bubbles, holding a scrub brush*