@briancthayer: Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the other losers who missed a 15 million square mile target.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@ShittyComedian: Anytime I'm using a stall in a public restroom and someone knocks on the door, I always say, "Did you bring the lube?" As loud as possible.
@OldFolkProblms: My favorite thing to do when my grandkids visit is to bake a big batch of fresh cookies. Then I eat them all by myself. Screw those kids.
@KeetPotato: barber 1: ugh this guy again, youre doing him this time [20mins later] barber 2: you coulda told me he turns around to answer every question
@Jarhead44: If I can't pronounce your name after meeting you, you will from that point forward be addressed as "bro."