@briancthayer: Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the other losers who missed a 15 million square mile target.
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@matt___nelson: DOG 911: what's your emergency? DOG: *whispering* they put me in a stroller DOG 911: *covers phone* WE'VE GOT A CODE SLIGHTLY DARKER GREY
@sploosk: Welcome to Insults Я Us, you sack of crap. Buy some stuff if you're not too cheap. Maybe eat out of a garbage can. You'd probably like that
@VanGobot: *bank robbery* ROBBER: nobody moves, nobody gets hurt! ME: *gazing tearfully at a pic of my long distance gf* too late
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: Why do you love me? Wife: *shrugs* Me: Why do you find me annoying? Wife: *reveals six spreadsheets and a pie chart*