@briancthayer: Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the other losers who missed a 15 million square mile target.
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@laurenmacdonald: There's a lot of strange facts in this world if you think about it. For example, some people like when there's pulp in their orange juice.
@ThisOneSayz: *getting caught filling up neighbor's trash can* Omg Karen, I just looove your trash can! Where did you get it?
@ChipKellysBalls: WebMD is a Choose Your Own Adventure book where every single story ends in malignant cancer
@matt___nelson: [angrily taking off banana suit] "Why didn't you tell me we were going to a funeral"