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@Macar00ny: *shoots self in foot*
"Damn i like the metaphor better"
@DanMentos: me: it smells like updog in here
me: what's updog
me: not much dog what's up with you lmao
therapist: I see
@Sarcasmo718: I'd love to see Jason Statham's face when he finds out you can turn down movie roles.
@DiamondLou69: Hot chick at the bar just said that she's gonna do something stupid tonight...
...I informed her that I only had a 1.75 GPA in high school.
@garrettbarry70: Wife. Would you cut the label off my dress.
Me. Sure *Snip* There you go.
Me. No problem.
*Kicks pony tail under bed.
@daryl_licked: My girlfriend's daughter was laying across my legs.
Me: What am I a pillow now?
Her: Yep, and pillows don't talk.
I think we're bonding.