@bridger_w: Shoplifting may be wrong in a general sense, but what if, for example, I'm bored of paying for things
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@causticbob: I've been attending Acronym Anonymous meetings recently. Or as I like to call it AA. I'm not making a lot of progress.
@audipenny: Welcome to The News. Tonight's top story: you know that thing you love? It's terrible and you're terrible. Thanks,
@david8hughes: [soldier dying in my arms] Soldier: tell my wife- Me: dude I'm already giving messages for 3 guys. Just wait until she dies & tell yourself
@Tommytoughstuff: [Date] "I'm going to use the restroom *leans over table* and I counted my onion rings, there's six."