@bridger_w: Shoplifting may be wrong in a general sense, but what if, for example, I'm bored of paying for things
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@Brianhopecomedy: My wife said that I set up the baby monitor wrong. Apparently it's not supposed to be duct-taped to the baby's ankle.
@causticbob: I failed my audition as Romeo through a misunderstanding over a stage direction. My copy of the script said: 'Enter Juliet from the rear'
@iinkedZombie: [courtroom] Me: "I OBJECT YOUR HONOR" Judge: on what grounds? "LEGAL MUMBO JUMBO" Prosecutor: he's good Judge: *slams gavel* case dismissed.