@bridger_w: Shoplifting may be wrong in a general sense, but what if, for example, I'm bored of paying for things
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@CoopSoSarc: I hung a horseshoe above the door for goodluck. My wife still came home. Superstitions are stupid.
@Home_Halfway: It was when I stabbed a Capri Sun perfectly the first time, right in that grey circle, that I knew I wanted to be an assassin.
@JessicaVarsity: Felony Insurance, like car insurance but for when you hate someone so much you just have to throw a cinder block through their windshield.
@daemonic3: [rolls down car window] "Sir there's a baby on your roof!" Wait, if the baby is there... [sees coffee strapped in car seat] Oh thank god!