@_sleepysmile: Shopping for bridesmaid dresses with 5 other women, today. If you never hear from me again, I committed suicide by nail file.
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@Papa_Mex: On the way in a fox ran across the road ahead of me...I slowed down pretty quick cuz i knew a bunch of English dudes on horses were next...
@iwearaonesie: Apparently the first thing you should say after you back over your wife's foot is "I'm sorry" not "I guess that means no sex tonight"
@MountainDouche: If cops can drive undercover cars, we should be able to drive cop cars. It's only fair.