@msbtx: Coworker: I like working with you. I feel like I can really talk to you Me: I'm sorry I gave you that impression. That's not correct

@sumpeoplelikeit: If you have a tattoo on your head, you've lost the right to ask me what I'm looking at.

@dafloydsta: I have no time for stupid people But they sure do have time for me.

@liliths_lair: The real reason women will never be the ones to propose: As soon as she gets on her knees, he will start unzipping his pants.

@hazelmotes1: Frequently Asked Questions: 1) You did what? 3) How dare you? 53) Don't you know how numbering lists works?