@PonyMartini: Hell hath no fury like a toddler wants to "do it herself."
Three hours later, I'm still waiting for her to get out of the car.
@underchilde: I don’t need to use WebMD because my mother always knows a person who had something similar to me, and she remembers how they got rid of it.
@TheToddWilliams: Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime; teach a man to catfish and he can trick some perv in Omaha into sending him rent money.
@briangaar: Relationships are mostly you apologizing for saying something hilarious
@Home_Halfway: *guitarist breaks guitar*
HELL YEAH
*drummer throws drums*
YES YES
*singer stabs a bunch of guys*
OH MY GOD
*bassist plants a bomb*
STOP
COMMENTS