@CatherineLMK: Should I ever go missing, please don’t let the news use my 7th grade picture.
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@Black__Elvis: My boss told me if I kept showing up late he'd give me a pink slip and I was like, how does he know about my tastes in women's underwear?
@WhatTheFFacts: Boxer Sugar Ray dreamt of killing his opponent and backed out, but a priest convinced him to fight, he ended up killing the opponent.
@ddsmidt: Adulthood is about being able to eat cookies for breakfast, but not doing it because you already ate all the cookies.
@SaveItForFest: Bad day? Listen to 90s rap. Problem solved. Unmotivated? Listen to 90s rap. Problem solved. Don't like rap? Listen to 90s rap Problem solved