@BoydPetrich: Shouldn't Captain Crunch be Colonel Crunch by now? Apparently cereal mascot is a dead end job.
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@AndRyanTF: Incredible Hulk Experiment-Day 13 Just woke up. Still not a Hulk. Looks like I ate all those moldy bagels for nothing. -Research Continues
@bobvulfov: DONALD TRUMP (45 minutes into watching wall-e): this film is not what i hoped it would be
@Kendragarden: My parents let me watch Grease constantly when I was a kid & then they were all, whoa why is our teenager always super drunk in tight pants?
@TheMichaelRock: Cashier: Aww, you grocery shop so your wife doesn't have to? [flashback to me losing paper, rock, scissors] Me: Yeah, I'm sweet like that.