@BoydPetrich: Shouldn't Captain Crunch be Colonel Crunch by now? Apparently cereal mascot is a dead end job.
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@Scott_A_Gilmore: News says there were a "record number of marijuana seizures" in 2015. Weird … after all these decades I've never had a single seizure.
@MarkoESQ: Because the platypus both lays eggs and produces milk, it is one of the few animals that can make its own custard.
@jonnysun: *dinosaur at zoo roars at me* "ROAR" whoa wat kimd of dinosaur is this "GROWL" hmm "SHOUT" hmmm "YELL" hmmmmm "HOLLER" oh its a thesaurus
@kelkulus: Rather than buy a gun, I've been studying "Home Alone" and now defend my home with marbles and old gangster movies.